The Letter
by i.love.being.loved.by.you
Summary: This is the letter Elena wrote to Damon when she had to choose between them in 'The Departed'. No one was ever meant to find it because it exposed Elena's deepest secret... which brother did she really choose?
1. Chapter 1

**I'm one of those people who gets annoyed when people have a big spiel before the story, so I'm just going to get right into it. This story is set at the end of Season 4, when Damon finds out Elena is dead (after she told him that she chose Stefan). This letter gets lost in the water and no one is ever going to read it but you. It's about the _real_ choice she made. This is my first story, though I've been reading stories on FanFiction for five years now, I've never worked up the courage to actually post anything. I hope you enjoy it. Reviews are always welcome :)**

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_Damon_

_I've never written you a letter. Now that I think about it, I've never written you anything. Not a letter, or a note or any kind of written communication. Our relationship, if that's what you want to label it as, is mostly based on talking. I like that about you – you communicate with me. And you always seem to know what I'm thinking or what I'm going to do, before I even form the idea. You know me better than I know myself and that scares me, Damon. You scare me. I feel exposed and vulnerable when I'm with you and I hate it. But at the same time it's so completely thrilling and wonderful. I can't explain it, but I'll try because after so long of denying you so much, you deserve to know how I feel about you._

_Honestly, sometimes I wish I'd never met you. I'm sorry, but it's true. Late at night when I'm all alone and I can't sleep, I think about what it would have been like if you hadn't turned up here in Mystic Falls. I'd daydream about my life without you – being with Stefan for the duration of my human life, loving him and eventually coming to terms with the fact that I would one day die and leave him behind. But there was always something missing in that picture. The pieces just didn't fit, even in my daydreams, where I could have anything I wanted. That's when I realised that what I'd always truly wanted, was you._

_I know it took me too long and I know I hurt you and for that I'm so sorry. I'm sure a part of me always knew, from the moment we first met, but was too afraid to admit it. I think that's why I always chose Stefan. Stefan was safe. I loved him, but I never fully relinquished my control. I never gave myself to Stefan completely. So it bothered me when you came along and made me feel these things, these wonderfully tempting, sinfully amazing things. It made it hard for me to be with you when I felt so much. It was easier just to convince myself I still felt the same way about Stefan than to give myself: body, mind and soul...to you. Because that's what your love does to me Damon. It consumes me and I'm helpless to resist. You give me passion and adventure and even a little danger. It's all I've ever wanted and everything that Stefan could never give._

_Dearest Stefan – your brother and my first love. How is it that he always seems to be standing in our way, whether physically or metaphorically? He is the reason we can never be together and I say that in the most non-accusing way possible, because it's not his fault. He needs me, needs my love. Without it, he is lost. He cannot resist the ripper without someone there to help him. I've seen it, we both have. I can never give up on him, Damon, my conscience won't allow it and neither will my heart. No matter that my heart belongs to another._

_I'm in the car with Matt while I write this and he's asking me to make a choice. Do I go to you, the man that I love, or do we turn the car around and go back to Stefan, the man that needs my love? By the time you read this letter, the answer will be clear. And though it's hasn't prevented any misery on your part, I needed you to know the truth._

_To be honest, I don't even know if you will find this letter. But if I do die tonight, I wanted to give you this one thing so that you would always know, without a doubt, that I had chosen you. You, Damon Salvatore, you are the one that I love – the only one that I will ever love. Forever._

_Elena_

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**What do you think?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! So I finally decided that I would continue this story. After months of believing I was going to leave it as a oneshot, I got this really sweet review. So thanks to: twilightnight21, Emogirl504, StarfishOnTheBeach, meskin10, KlarolinexDelenaxx, Buffy-Angel9, DELENAfan97, LivLangvad and my buddy mabscifiromantic. I won't always do shout outs, especially not to every single reviewer, but this is my first story and I really appreciate every single bit of feedback you've all given me!**

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Damon POV

It couldn't be true. She couldn't be dead. After everything I'd done to keep her alive. Hell, after everything the whole town had done to keep her alive. After being attacked by every kind of supernatural creature we knew of, she had ultimately been silenced by drowning. For an extraordinary woman, it seemed preposterously…mundane.

I knew better than most just how easy it was to forget how mortal Elena Gilbert really was, her fiery temper and stubborn nature made sure of that.

Bursting through the doors of the hospital after running for what feels like hours, I came face to face with the manslaughterer himself. Not giving him a chance to say anything, I grabbed him roughly by the throat and shoved him against the nearest wall.

"How could you let this happen?" I snarled. I watched as baby brothers eyes became downcast, his arms remaining stoically by his side despite the crushing force being applied to his throat.

"I'm sorry," he moaned.

I yanked him back and threw him against the wall harder, watching the brick crumble under the pressure. Stefan winced.

"That's not good enough!" I roared, digging my fingers into his neck until my blunt fingernails drew blood. "She's dead Stefan! You let her die! How the hell could you let her die?"

I felt the veins under my eyes becoming more prominent.

"I couldn't save her," he whispered brokenly.

Narrowing my eyes, I stepped directly into his line of vision so there was nowhere for him to look other than right into my eyes. I wanted him to see everything – the misery, the longing and most of all the loathing I held for him that saturated through to the very core of my being.

"If you weren't my brother, you'd be dead right now. As it is, I'm still debating if I should kill you where you stand. Once again, your weakness has cost me something valuable, something I love, and I guarantee you now, it will _never_ happen again. The only thing holding me back is the promise I made to you all those years ago, because I intend to keep that promise… every minute of every day for the rest of our extremely long existence."

Smiling cruelly, I released my grip on his neck and brushed the dirt from his ridiculously unflattering shirt in a gesture of perplexing helpfulness.

"I will make it an eternity of misery for you," I told him pleasantly, snapping his neck with a causal flick of my wrist and watching him slump to the ground in a heap.

"Stefan, she's not-oh!" someone cried as they screeched to a halt behind me.

I whipped around quickly, watching the annoying doctor back up instantly. She held her hands up as if to ward me away. I smirked.

"What were you saying, Greys Anatomy?"

She didn't scowl like she normally did when I was being a complete asshole to her. Instead she gave me a look of almost…pity.

I preferred the scowl.

"I have this nagging feeling that you're about to seriously annoy me," I informed her wryly, crossing my arms across my chest mockingly.

She didn't reply, refusing to look at me. Rolling my eyes, I made to move past her.

"I'm growing tired of your inability to form an entire sentence. Where is Elena?"

I heard her quick intake of breath and noted the way she stepped marginally I front of me, like she didn't want me to go through the doors behind her. Her heart rate picked up rapidly and she finally met my eyes, making my chest clench in fear when I saw the sadness reflected there.

She took a shallow breath, placing her hand on my arm. "You need to know, when Jeremy brought Elena in here earlier tonight, her injuries were worse than I let on. It wasn't a concussion; it was a cerebral haemorrhage… bleeding of the brain."

Everything in my body was screaming. No, no, no. She didn't want this. _Please, no._

"What are you saying?" I deadpanned.

Her tears were close to the surface now. I felt my last thread of hope wither and die. "He was so worried, I didn't want to tell him, but I – I helped her. She needed my help."

"Speak clearly," I hissed, wrenching my arm from her grasp.

She sucked in a deep breath, turning her head away from me and staring determinately out the window.

"She's in transition."

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**Dun, dun, dun…**

**Ok, so we all knew that was coming, but it needed to be in the story as a progression thing. I'll work up to the good stuff soon.**

**Sorry about the short chapter. They'll get longer…eventually.**

**Don't forget to leave a review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Two chapters in two days! Aren't you lucky!**

**Thanks for all the reviews, favourites and follows, you're _all_ fantastic! Seeing the reaction to my writing makes my day. I already have a steady plan for this story and I know where I want it to go, but I'm always open to ideas and I love to hear from you, so don't be shy.**

**One of my recent reviewers brought up that I didn't go into depth with Damon's thoughts as I did with Elena's letter. That's because Elena was essentially unburdening herself, which is something she doesn't do often. Also, we all know that Damon isn't big on expressing his emotions, so it seemed premature to unleash his deepest sentiments in the first chapter. But don't worry, all in good time!**

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Damon POV

Sometimes it still stunned me how truly beautiful she was. Even as she lay dead on the uncomfortable looking hospital gurney.

Clenching my fists, I inhaled deeply, steadying myself. I knew it was only a matter of time before she woke, confused and scared. Despite the brave face she had perfected for everyone else, I had always been privy to her moments of vulnerability. Above all else, she loved and protected her family with a fierceness I had not recognised in anyone throughout my existence. That alone had been what drew me to this beautiful mortal woman, even in those first moments. And though I would never admit it out loud, all I had ever wanted from life was to be loved the way Elena loved – passionately and endlessly.

I sighed audibly. Since when had I become such a sap? I hadn't had these kinds of fantasies of reciprocated love since before Katherine. Even then, they had not been this persistent and all-consuming. Maybe a distant part of me had always known Katherine was not mine to love. Perhaps… everything I had endured had been for a purpose, so that I could be here, now, with Elena.

"I'm making myself nauseous," I muttered dryly, cutting off thoughts of destiny and soul mates before I could depress myself further.

Stepping forward from my place near the unused heart monitor, I brushed a careful finger over her cheek. She was so cold and…white. I had never seen her so pale. Her usual smooth bronze skin was washed out and delicate, her lips thin and purple and her cheeks hollow. For the first time ever, she looked fragile, as if a hard look could shatter her. I had to look away.

As I did, I noticed the small bag of belongings that they usually removed from corpses.

But she wasn't a corpse. She was Elena, and it angered me that they would take her things from her. When she woke up, she'd need those reminders of her human life. It would only sadden her further to see that her cherished possessions were absent.

Snatching the bag from the otherwise empty table, I emptied the contents onto the stretcher. Carefully extracting the small heart pendant, I refastened it around her neck, tucking the rest of her matted hair behind her ears and caressing her skin whenever the chance arose. Next were her earrings, first one and then the other. It had always baffled me that women would stamp holes through their ears and hang things from them. It was insanity. The woman who thought of it had clearly been a masochist.

Steadily moving through the pile, I secured her bracelet to her wrist, gently running my thumb over where her strong pulse used to beat steadily. After a particularly depressing moment of still silence, I lastly returned the loose change she'd, hopefully, been hoarding in her pocket. Her ruined diary was the only thing that remained. I picked it up hesitantly, inspecting the damage. It wasn't looking good, it was completely waterlogged. Carefully folding back the front cover, I noted the ineligible writing and dribbles of ink that leaked from the sides. I exhaled regretfully, tucking it into the inside pocket of my jacket to look at later. Hopefully there would be something in the boarding house I could use to revive the book.

Turning back to her, I noticed that her skin was gaining colour. Her normal tan was returning and her cheeks had some colour again. She would wake soon and be faced with the consequences of Stefan's actions and my blood – the blood that was now running deeply through her veins, entwining with her own. The thought gave me great pleasure in a sea of unwelcome emotions.

I was a part of her now and whether she welcomed it or not, we would be heavily interconnected for a long time to come. Smiling for the first time in what felt like years, I took hold of her hand and lifted it to my lips to press a gentle kiss there. Settling in to wait, I began rubbing soothing circles over her knuckles, aimlessly trying to coax her from her…sleep.

"Come back to me, Elena."

Soon enough, she gasped awake, her eyes flying open and widening in shock and terror as she took in her surroundings. I squeezed her hand comfortingly, wanting to do everything and anything to make all of this easier for her.

Her expressive doe eyes flickered to mine and subconsciously or not, her hand squeezed mine back.

"Damon?"

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**I hope everybody had as much fun reading this chapter as I did writing it. I always wondered what Damon would be thinking while he waited for her to wake up and I really hope this placates everybody in regards to Damon's 'soft side' for a while. I'm trying to stay true to his character and it doing that, you probably won't be seeing this side of him very much.**

**That just makes these moments all the sweeter…**

**Review!Review!Review!**


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